Somewhere in a secret underground lab in Guildford:

Dr Demis “Evil” Hassibis, PhD: “It seems that Project Republic, our attempt to conquer the world by brainwashing them into believing that playing as a communist dictator might be in some way cool or entertaining, has failed. We need a new plan. Gather round my minions, and bring your suggestions to me! MUWUHAHAHAHA!”

Minion 1: “We could construct an elaborate network of underground tunnels, encircling the globe. Once those are complete, we build underground oil pumps, steal the world’s supply of oil and hold the world to ransom! Without oil, they will be POWERLESS! HAHAHAHA!”

Hassibis: “Riiiiiight. And what happens when they discover vegetable oil, hmmm? Didn’t think of that one, did you, number 1? Guards! Have him liquidated. Now, who’s next?”

Minion 2: “We build a giant ‘laser’, and mount it on the ‘moon’, and then we demand one biiiiillion dollars, or we fire it at the earth!”

Hassibis: “And what happens when someone else builds a bigger ‘laser’, and mounts it on Mars? Hmm? Didn’t think of that one, did we, Mr Clever? Go and feed yourself to the ill-tempered sea bass. What else do we have?”

Minion 3: “I think very much you vill be liking my idea, Dr Eefil. Ve vill be taking einen old und succesful game like, say, Dungeon Keeper Zwei. Then to be changink ze graphics, und adding some ‘groofy’ music, und zen ve sell it to everyone all over again! Und zen, when they tiring of this are beink, ve do it again! Und again! Und ewentually, no-one haffink any more money vill be, und ve vill haff it all!”

Hassibis: “And how will we change the graphics, hmmm?”

Minion 3: “Ve can turn it into a simulation of… you!”

Hassibis: “World domination /and/ pandering to my already grotesquely overinflated ego? Minion 3, I think I may actually love you and your slightly offensive overblown stereotypical Bavarian accent. In a strictly platonic and nonsexual way, of course. Now, go and oil yourself up and be in my chambers in 30 minutes wearing nothing but a meat helmet and carrying a bag of agitated mongeese. Mongooses. Mongii. Whatever.”

[SCREEN FADES]

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