I aten’t dead! And to prove it, here are some mini-reviews of the acts that form the long-list for the BBC Sound of 2009

• The Big Pink: Glasvegas with synthesizers and drum machines. Which ought to be
  alright, but it leaves me a bit cold.
• Dan Black: 80s electro-pop. There’s going to be a lot of this in 2009,
  apparently.
• VV Brown: 50s pop. Entertaining and the single Crying Blood is decent, but will
  probably be pretty disposable.
• Empire of the Sun: Very, very 1980s synthpop. Done well enough and not actually
  that objectionable to listen to, but you have to wonder why they bothered,
  given that the 80s already happened, and that.
• Florence and the Machine: Wants to be Kate Bush. Probably isn’t, but hard to
  judge from the one song on the BBC’s website.
• Frankmusik: Like Calvin Harris meets The Killers. Insanely, ridiculously
  catchy, self-conciously fashionable and has the kind of face that would look
  really, really great on the end of a fist. Guaranteed to be huge.
• Kid Cudi: Hip-hop. I am ill-qualified to pass judgement on this genre, but it
  doesn’t sound like anything new.
• La Roux: Prince, except with a girl on vocals. Hell, the single even sounds
  like When Doves Cry.
• Mumford & Sons: Quick! Someone find me another band that sound exactly like
  Noah and the Whale! It seems the public are suckers for half-assed novelty
  folk!
• Passion Pit: An annoying version of Bent, if they’d been listening to Battles.
• Master Shortie: British hip-hop. Actually, fairly interesting. Likeable in the
  same sort of way Dizzee Rascal is.
• Lady GaGa: A “hip New York party princess” who went to the same school as Paris
  Hilton. That’s all you need to know.
• White Lies: File under Interpol or Editors. Particularly Editors. Catchy.
  Remains to be seen if they’ve got more than a single in them. Worrying
  propensity for swirly synths. If their album sounds like the single, I’d buy
  it.
• The Temper Trap: Early U2. Uber-delayed guitars, 3-3-2 rhythms, lots of
  tom-rolls on the drums, picked bass. Far from terrible, but not exactly
  revolutionary.

So there you go: Next year’s hottest music, comprehensively dismissed as being a bit “meh” by a man who is rapidly approaching 30 and wants the world to know it.