Two Toucan street salespeople types (you know, the ones that stop you in the street and offer you a “discount on your BT bill”, because, like, BT forgot to do this themselves and the only way they can let people know is by stopping them on the street at random. Yes.) sat outside the trendy (but utterly generic) new coffee shop on Deansgate – with McDonalds’ coffees. You can’t pay for class like that.

Nayf wanted to know exactly what Tim Horton’s confusingly-named “Roll Up The Rim To Win” promotion was all about – and who can blame him? With such a deep and impenetrable name, I bet most of you are wondering, too. So, without further ado, there follows a full and complete explanation.

In Canadialand, there are a chain of baked-goods-and-beverage outlets (that is, the goods are baked, not the beverages; that’d just be weird) called Tim Horton’s. They’re really rather good and their Canadian Maple doughnuts are quite, quite fabulous – and they go just perfectly with a nice strong, black coffee, served in a stylish Tim Horton’s paper cup.

Now, here’s the clever part: the “rim” of the paper cup is – get this! – made up of the same cardboard as the rest of the cup but rolled over, to form a strengthening rim, holding the cup in shape. Genius, I know.

So, what the ever-so-clever people at Tim Horton’s figured was that – hey, if the rim is rolled over – they could get people to unroll the rim, revealing the print underneath! And they could print messages there! Messages like “Sorry, no prize this time – try again!” and, apparently, “Congratulations, you have won a really expensive car”. But they don’t just print these messages – oh no! If your message says you’ve won something, you really have! You can exchange your winning cup for whatever prize it says you’ve won. How magic is that?

And that, my friends, is the deep and mysterious secret behind Tim Horton’s clever promotion. Now, a short message for people in Canadia: SEND DOUGHNUTS AND MAPLE SYRUP. Thanks.

• The M25 is quite long, and being diverted around 3/4 of it because someone has crashed between the two or three junctions you need to travel between can take some time.
• Hotels that get shirty with you because you don’t have a PIN for your credit card – even though you have a perfectly servicable debit card – deserve to be burned to the ground. Especially if they do this to you after you’ve driven 3/4 of the way round the M25.
• Large groups of rowdy Scottish chavs should be banned from aeroplanes.
• Monarch – just don’t.
• It is possible to be skiing so fast that your contact lens gets blown out of your eye.
• Having only one contact lens in is deeply disorienting and can put a real crimp in your skiing.
• The Canadian accent is awesome, but they don’t say “aboot” – it’s clearly “aboat”.
• “Take your tongue out of my mouth, I’m only kissing you goodbye” is the greatest song title ever. “Tequila makes her clothes fall off” is a close second. But the greatest song ever is the simply-but-eloquently titled Tits.
• There’s a real knack to rolling up the rim on the Tim Horton’s “Roll up the Rim” coffee cups. It is a knack that I clearly do not possess.
• Calgary Airport is dull.
• I’m really not kidding about the Monarch thing.

I’m not dead. But no-one said anything about having to *pay* for the in-room interwebnet access. Bah.

Look at me and my bad self

This is the greatest news story ever.

Right, I’m off to Banff for a week. If my hotel haven’t lied I should have access to Teh Internets from my room so I’ll try and send a postcard.

Hans Blix says Iran is years away from making a nuclear weapon and we all know how right he was about Iraq.

So, the dude at the coffee machine in Suburb made too many capuccinos for the people ahead of me, and I got a free drink whilst waiting for my burrito. Result!

In other news, my inspiration levels have hit an all time low.

This vs this.

Today’s pranks.

I like Minerva‘s sellout best.

The Open Office joke might work better if its “flawless” support of MS Office files didn’t mean that it mangled every single Word file with formatting more complex than font changes I’ve ever thrown at it. I don’t like Open Office very much.

Now I know how Wonko The Sane felt after reading those instructions on the toothpick packet.

Described as having “urban and modern” packaging, Drench will be available in 500ml and 750ml bottles and feature a valved cap which has been designed to appeal to ‘on-the-go’ 16-34 year olds.

Drench is 21st century water! The first ‘new, exciting and highly innovative brand’ in water, it is the first solely youth targeted water brand in market.

As a brand to be seen with in hand – stylish and modern – it is a signal of being ‘in the know’ and of ‘ belonging in an urban environment. It will be part of the daily kit of students.

It excels in research, being differentiated and unique. The pack delivers to consumer needs and is appealing to everyone – men as much as women!

IT’S WATER. IN A PLASTIC BOTTLE. Shiva H. Krishnu on a bike, people. Anyone who buys this stuff – unless it’s dramatically cheaper than all other options or you’re miles away from a tap and you’re dying of thirst and it’s the only option – earns my instant and eternal scorn.

On an unrelated note, I just saw a bicycle with underlighting. Awesome.