Today marks the end of Microsoft’s extended support for Windows 98/ME and with it (hopefully; dear God please let it be so) the official end of the DOS-based Windows line. End of an era, but I’m not sad to see it go; nasty, nasty operating system.

So, apparently Michael Palin thinks Sven is the greatest living Englishman and far more interesting than he is, so I guess I’d better write something in response to Sven’s post on studying theology and being a heretic and that. Even though I’ve not done a degree in theology (nor ever really studied it in anything more than a pop-theology sort of way; sort of the theological equivalent of a New Scientist reader – which, funnily enough, I am), I’ve faced similar sorts of issues, challenges and questions over the last couple of years and have similarly been forced to face up to and rethink a large amount of my faith.

Like Sven, I spent a number of years as a charismatic/fundamentalist – I threw myself into the certainty and absolutes that the modern Evangelical church offered and shrugged off any of the doubts I had by reassuring myself that “if it said it in the Bible, it must be true, so any questions are obviously from the devil”. For a while, I was a literal seven-day creationist. But I couldn’t keep it up: I became jaded and eventually bitter. I sat through sermons at church picking holes in everything that was said. Gradually, I became aware that this surely could not have been the God I signed up to worship, and I began to rethink, well, everything.

The underlying motivation for me was one of being honest with myself, intellectually, politically and spiritually: I’m no longer prepared to accept the switch-your-brain-off-and-just-believe attitude that formed such a large part of my time as a charismatic/fundamentalist; I’m no longer prepared to compromise on political or moral issues because of some dubious prooftexting by a shouty preacher; and I’m no longer prepared to put aside issues I have with the theological teachings I’ve been presented with over the years.

The easiest way for me to deal with this would obviously have been to have just given up – to renounce my belief in God, become a secular humanist like all the rest of my friends and get on with enjoying life. And, on occasion, I’ve come close to doing just that: as I said to Naomi once, if I really thought that the modern Evangelical church really was the one true expression of Christianity, I could no longer be a Christian.

But, if I’m honest with myself – and that’s what we’re all about here, right? – I’m still convinced by the reality of God, of Christ and his redemptive work. And so I have to square that with my conviction in my left-wing, liberal, humanist beliefs – something that I felt quite strongly up until the point I became a Christian and then increasingly fell by the wayside as I became radicalised and fundamentalist, but something which I count as an important part of my identity.

And the answer? Well, I don’t know. But that’s not a problem. I’m still searching. I’m reading books by Brian McLaren, NT Wright and Dave Tomlinson; I’m having conversations with Richard and others about our journies of faith; I’m pushing my way down different intellectual and theological avenues just to see what happens. My notion of what is true and what is not has been radically rethought; I’ve given up on the idea of absolute morals and become more and more convinced about God working within culture rather than imposing himself upon it; and I’ve become very uncomfortable with the idea of a black and white, personal, in-the-club-or-going-to-hell model of salvation – did Christ really come to create an exclusive ‘club’ of believers, or did he come to redeem creation as a whole and bring it into a restored relationship with himself?

But the most important thing so far as I’m concerned is that I have started to ask questions – without necessarily being concerned about finding definitive answers. I don’t think God is going to be angry with me for honestly and earnestly seeking a way in which I can be both fully myself and fully in a relationship with him; and I think that, for this life, that’s about the best I can hope for.

I thus conclude that the Chorlton fishmongers is as good as they look, as I have not spent the last 24 hours bent double over a toilet as a result of my raw tuna escapades last night. The two Red Mullet I had for lunch was also very tasty indeed.

I had more things I wanted to write, especially regarding Sven‘s recent post on finishing his studies and how studying theology turned him into a heretic, but I’m utterly lacking in motivation right now, and besides, Michael Palin is on the telly and he’s far more interesting.

So, this is where we find out how good the fishmongers in Chorlton really is. For tea, I had a lovely thick slab of tuna steak, seared to perfection on the outside and still wonderful and raw in the middle. It tasted fantastic but, if I’m dead in the morning, it’s all the fault of Inshore Fisheries. Yes.

Naomi found one of these in a cupboard at her school. Apparently, they wanted to throw it out and she wanted a keyboard, so she claimed it. Now, I’m of the opinion that (a) it’s probably useless as a general purpose keyboard being, as it is, a “strings” synthesizer (it has a ‘brass’ setting, too, but it all sounds pretty much the same), (b) it’s probably quite rare (a dig around on eBay revealed only one of them, and google is very sparse on details) and (c) it’s a valuable part of synthesizer history as it basically defined the Roland sound for the next 15 years, and so therefore obviously I should get to look after it, love it, cherish it and maybe just occasionally turn it on, press a key and go “ooooooh”. She, however, doesn’t quite see it like this. She actually wants to play it. It’s sacrilege, I tell you. Sacrilege.

In all seiousness, though, if anyone knows if this thing really is worth anything, I’d love to know: I feel like it ought to be, but I can’t confirm it.

Who is this that wipes the tears from my eyes?
Just one glimpse of you steals my heart away
You’re the lover of my soul
Draw me into you, draw me into you

We will run, we will fly
We will be together
We will laugh, we will cry
We will be together

Sometimes, it’s really, really hard to keep a straight face when playing in the band at church.

Not that I’m not hugely busy at work or anything, but I made a proverb generator.

Genius.

(and yes, I know it’s not real, but it’s still excellent)

• Nayf is back and this time he’s got a domain. Seriously, you should go and read his blog. It’s very funny, and is mainly about how his wife thinks France is in the southern hemisphere or something.
• orion has figured out where the socks go. I always knew there was something wrong about furbies.
• 11 truths about men that you’re not supposed to tell your wife. Where they write “golf” it should probably say “World of Warcraft”.
• Muse’s new album is very good and you should probably buy it. It’s like a cross between the Scissor Sisters and Depeche Mode and Queen and the older Muse stuff and everything. Also, “Supermassive Black Hole” is the best pop song this year by miles.
• Ulrike has moved in next door, which is nice. We were in the same hall of residence in our first year at University. It’s funny how things come around like that. In related news, I finally got to meet the guy who lives downstairs tonight. He seems a bit quiet; that flat always attracts slightly unusual characters. Mind you, quiet is a distinct improvement on the screaming rows of the (newly married – I hope that’s not a sign of things to come) couple before him so I’m not about to complain there.

• It occurs to me that working for The MET Office would be awesome. Maybe.

This is going to sweep the board at the MTV Music Video awards. You knows it.