Dear Terrorists


I understand we stopped you blowing up some planes today. At least, that’s what the police and my government tell me. The trouble is, it’s hard to know when my government are telling me the truth, and when they’re not – and they don’t exactly have a sterling reputation for honesty, now, do they? But I think you could help out a little here.

You know how in films where there’s a good guy and a bad guy, and the good guy foils the bad guy’s plans to take over the world? Well, in those films, there’s always a shot of the bad guy at the end shaking his fist and saying something like “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you pesky kids/Austin Powers/the fact they stopped everyone taking books and bottles of water onto planes today”. I think it would be really, really helpful for us all if you could maybe do something like that. You could even add a little message of defiance on the end – “You may have stopped us with your clever tactics of not letting people having iPods on aeroplanes, but we’ll be back and we’ll get you next time!” – but just, y’know, let us know that something has happened, so we know that all these apparently ludicrous security measures that we’re taking are actually needed and aren’t just another step down the road of our government eroding every last one of our civil liberties and instilling a permanent atmosphere of low-grade panic and terror in order to control and manipulate the populous.



(P.S. Can you remember whether it’s Eurasia or Oceania we’ve always been at war with this week? They seem so similar, I can never remember which one it is we’ve always been at war with)

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