To the clearly very drunk Celtic fans outside my house

I assume you want to get to Old Trafford. You are, as you may or may not realise, quite some way away from it. At your current rate of progress, I reckon that you’ll probably make it by about the half time, assuming that your stumblings down the centre of the road don’t lead to you getting hit by a bus. Might I politely suggest you get a taxi? And also, that you shut the hell up. Thanks.

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