• The M25 is quite long, and being diverted around 3/4 of it because someone has crashed between the two or three junctions you need to travel between can take some time.
• Hotels that get shirty with you because you don’t have a PIN for your credit card – even though you have a perfectly servicable debit card – deserve to be burned to the ground. Especially if they do this to you after you’ve driven 3/4 of the way round the M25.
• Large groups of rowdy Scottish chavs should be banned from aeroplanes.
• Monarch – just don’t.
• It is possible to be skiing so fast that your contact lens gets blown out of your eye.
• Having only one contact lens in is deeply disorienting and can put a real crimp in your skiing.
• The Canadian accent is awesome, but they don’t say “aboot” – it’s clearly “aboat”.
• “Take your tongue out of my mouth, I’m only kissing you goodbye” is the greatest song title ever. “Tequila makes her clothes fall off” is a close second. But the greatest song ever is the simply-but-eloquently titled Tits.
• There’s a real knack to rolling up the rim on the Tim Horton’s “Roll up the Rim” coffee cups. It is a knack that I clearly do not possess.
• Calgary Airport is dull.
• I’m really not kidding about the Monarch thing.

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