The War On Abstractions

WASHINGTON DC – The US Government today announced the commencement of the War on Abstractions, a unilateral effort to destroy abstraction in all its forms from society and the world at large.

A Whitehouse spokesman said: “We figured that seeing as we’re fighting so many of these wars that don’t have a tangible enemy – you know, the War On Drugs, War On Terror, War On Poverty, all that – that we might as well figure out what the common cause of all this was. We did a bit of digging around and discovered that all these things are what is technically known as ‘abstractions’, so instead of fighting this war on loads of different fronts, we figure that by declaring a War On Abstractions, we can hit the root cause and defeat all these intangible bad guys once and for all.”

The President said he “fully suppported the effort” and whilst he was unsure exactly where – or even what – these Abstractions were at the present time, he was confident that US Intelligence was hot on their case and would soon have pinpointed a location so they could get on with “all that blowin’ stuff up we like to do, even if we’re not exactly sure what it is we’re blowin’ up, or why we’re blowin’ it up.” He added: “But you can be hella sure there’s gonna be some big-ass explosions, whoo-yeah!”

The UN has expressed reservations over the decision, but UK Prime Minister Tony Blair has offered the President his full support in whatever it exactly is they’re going to be doing.

(inspired by this post on BHT.)

One Response to “The War On Abstractions”

  1. Caryn says:

    This is hilarious!