I left the office, and started heading towards SubWay to get myself a bigass meatball sandwich for lunch. I was just about to walk in through the door of SubWay when a thought occurred to me – did I have any money on me? No, I didn’t. I needed money. Damn. I needed a cashpoint, and the nearest one was back in the same direction as my office. I was faced with a monumental dilemma: do I risk public ridicule, humiliation, the annoyance and wrath of other pavement users and the scorn of all humanity by stopping and turning round in the pavement? Or do I scorn efficieny, save face and walk the long way round to the cashpoint?
You see, there’s no way to change direction on a public pavement without looking like a total moron. You might as well wear a big dunces hat and a sign on your back saying “Point and Laugh at me, I’m stupid”. People have developed all sorts of techniques to avoid the problem: there’s the “going into a shop and pretending to browse for 30 seconds before coming out and walking off in the direction you came from” technique, which can be contracted into the “stopping and looking in a window for 10 seconds before turning back and walking off in the direction you came from” method. There’s several variations on the “stopping to answer my phone” technique, which can also be modified to use an iPod or similar portable music device. Some people prefer to pretend they need to tie their shoelace. But nobody, ever, stops in the middle of the street, turns through 180 degrees and walks back in the other direction.
Well, except me, today, that is. Being an engineer, I stereotypically have a pretty poor self-image anyway and I value efficiency and logic over subjective betterness in any competition, so I just stopped, turned round and walked straight into the woman who was evidently walking directly behind me.
“I’m sorry; I was going to buy my lunch, but I forgot I needed money”, I said, realising just how stupid that sounded about half a second too late. She gave me a look which combined her anger, disgust, self-righteousness and pomposity all in one ugly glare, brushed herself down and strode off, huffing to herself in a self-important fashion.
Hey, it’s not my fault if I’m more efficient than you.
Or, you could just turn around like it’s what you planned to do all along. Anyone who says otherwise just doesn’t appreciate the technique which goes into such a maneuver.
There’s also the ‘look at your watch and then turn around and walk back at a brisk pace like you’ve forgotten something so incredibly important that the world will end if you don’t attend to it personally’ technique.
Also, the ‘cross the busy road’ technique. By the time you’ve got to the other side, everyone who hasn’t already wandered off on their journey has forgotten which way you were going.
well done you!
I would have done the same!
Good for you. I usually go for walking round an item of street furniture (telephone boxes are good), like they’re some kind of mini roundabout.
Thanks Chris, you made me laugh when I read your post this morning!
On another more pedantic note (because I’m an engineer) – I’m not sure you were more efficient than her because if you were you wouldn’t have forgotten to get the cash!
Well, it’s not your fault you’re more efficient – though it is your fault that you walked straight into her 😉